[personal profile] ofstarsandstone
This story isn't really true, but it isn't really false.

His hand touched my face, fingers moving across my cheekbone, down over my lips, to my chin. I woke and saw his face through bleary eyes. "Good morning," he murmured, smiling.

"Mrph," I replied. Sleep stole my ability to speak. Instead, I stretched, and felt his hand cupping my hip and sliding down my leg. Curling back up into my favored sleep position on my side, I managed to say, "What time is it?"

"About six thirty," he answered from behind me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed up against my back.

"I don't have to be up until seven," I complained.

"I know," he answered. He ought to know. My schedule hadn't changed from the two years we lived together. "I need to go take a shower," he explained. I knew that, too. His schedule hadn't changed since we broke up three months ago, either. I felt his body against me and I knew nothing had changed.

He moved my hair and kissed my jaw beneath my ear. Every movement so familiar. A choreography rehearsed until thought was removed, until the motions came without conscious intent. A sense memory, a body memory. "Want to get in with me?" he asked.

Rolling over, I looked into his eyes. What was I doing here? This might have been my new bed, in a new room, but I had allowed old fears to climb under the covers with me. "All right," I answered.

We stumbled across the bedroom, into the bathroom. He turned on the water while I pulled towels from the closet. He liked the water very hot, but I let him adjust the temperature anyway. We didn't touch much in the shower. I barely even noticed his naked body except when we changed places to rinse in the too-hot spray. At the end, he kissed me. I kissed him back, but I didn't feel it. I wondered that he couldn't see the melancholy in my eyes. This is why we broke up, I remembered. Because he never saw me.

I let him touch me, let my body wake up beneath his hands. We left a trail of water from the shower back to the bed. I let him fill me, but the emptiness remained.

Later, when he drove away, I sat on the bed and toyed with the sheets. They were twisted, a tangle of hope and need, fighting against the blank white of the mattress.

I smothered them with the comforter.

Date: 2009-10-20 02:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stormkitty.livejournal.com
*nods* I know this feeling. :(

Date: 2009-10-21 10:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Fortunately the relationship/events that inspired this entry are well in the past- six years and counting.

Date: 2009-10-20 02:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beautyofgrey.livejournal.com
Your writing is beautiful.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2009-10-20 02:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oneonthefence.livejournal.com

Yeah, I think I know where this is coming from.

I love you, chica. Interesting take on the topic, especially if it means what I'm assuming it means (or, I should say, relates to what I think it relates to - I'm flu-ish and not quite coherent, so, apologies).


Date: 2009-10-21 10:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Yeah, I think you do.


Date: 2009-10-20 03:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cacophonesque.livejournal.com
I've lived through moments like this. Good job capturing that mood.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
I wish no one else had been through this, but I think far too many of us have.

Thank you for the comment!

Date: 2009-10-20 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] johnmill79.livejournal.com
So short, and yet so profound. You captured the emotion of it with the state of the covers. Nice.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you. I'm experimenting with flash fiction- I tend to be EXTREMELY verbose, so this is a change for me.

Date: 2009-10-20 10:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imafarmgirl.livejournal.com
Nice writing. Very sad, at least to me.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you. And it is sad, for everyone involved.

Date: 2009-10-20 12:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] notbatman.livejournal.com
I liked this. Very well written.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

Date: 2009-10-20 12:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pricelessone.livejournal.com
You have an engaging style. Though I was a bit uncomfortable reading this, I found that I had to finish. Great job!

Date: 2009-10-21 10:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you.

If I may ask, what made you uncomfortable? The intimate emotions? The details of the situation?

Just curious how/why people react to my work. It helps me grow as a writer.

Date: 2009-10-25 04:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pricelessone.livejournal.com
Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this. It's actually just a personal taste thing. I don't like reading about people's intimate bedroom moments, etc. But like I said, I enjoyed reading it, because it was written well.

Date: 2009-10-25 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
In this case most of the physical details weren't true. It was the emotional aspect that I pulled from reality. So it's more like a piece of fiction based on my experience rather than relating something that actually happened.

But I'm still glad you liked it. Thank you for your comment!

Date: 2009-10-20 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scapegoat.livejournal.com
Great entry! I love that though it is short, it is well detailed and I can picture it. A lot of the entries telling stories are really long and I get lost (and not in a good way). I like this!

Date: 2009-10-21 10:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
I'm glad you liked it! Most of my writing is novel-length, so this piece was an experiment for me. I'm hoping that Idol would be good practice in shorter fiction.

Date: 2009-10-20 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jenandbronze.livejournal.com
Wow. That isn't easy, but you shared some strong emotions that I could feel every bit of it. I liked your writing style. You have my vote!

Date: 2009-10-21 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you! The story isn't "true," in that the events never happened that exact way, but the emotions are 100% real.

Date: 2009-10-21 01:27 am (UTC)
shadowwolf13: (Default)
From: [personal profile] shadowwolf13
I love the beauty of your writing.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2009-10-21 10:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Yeah, it is kind of sad and unfortunate on all sides.

Date: 2009-10-21 02:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crimsonplum.livejournal.com
Strong and amazing. And this?

"I smothered them with the comforter."


Date: 2009-10-21 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you.

I worried that last line might be going too far, but it was just the right way to end it.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baxaphobia.livejournal.com
So sad but sadly happens more than we'd like to think.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baxaphobia.livejournal.com
So sad but all to often true.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Yes, it is. The relationship that inspired this story lasted much longer than it should have because we were so used to being together and neither of us wanted to admit it should be over. And we played the break-up make-up game several times.

Date: 2009-10-21 01:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teaberryblue.livejournal.com
This was really beautifully written and evocative. I have definitely felt like this before. Thanks.

Date: 2009-10-21 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
You're welcome! Thanks for the comment. I love it when people can relate to what I've written, so it's good to hear you did.

Date: 2009-10-22 08:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] onda-bianca.livejournal.com
Wow. What a beautiful story...it tugged at my heart a bit!

Date: 2009-10-24 11:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2009-10-24 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] comedychick.livejournal.com
Whilst it sounds like a less than ideal situation, I really like your writing of this piece. I could picture everything unfolding really well :)

Date: 2009-10-24 11:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
I'm glad you liked it. I've been working on balancing showing with telling in my writing (I tend to lean toward telling, which is BAD!), so it's good to hear that you could picture it.

The whole relationship was less than ideal, but on the other hand it provides a goldmine of writing material.

Date: 2009-10-25 12:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] comedychick.livejournal.com
Rings true. I've got a wealth of writing material from a "friend with benefits" I had. I have tried putting it in writing, but I am also a bit wary of putting all the details out in the world. So still debating the how to share it.

Date: 2009-10-25 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Despite how intimate the details are in this story, this particular situation never happened. The physical details are not factual, but the emotional situation is 100% true.

Date: 2009-10-26 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] comedychick.livejournal.com
Yeah. I might have to do the same. :)

Date: 2009-10-24 11:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] agirlnamedluna.livejournal.com
excellent entry :)

If I may make one remark: keep the "this story isn't really true ..." either for a footnote or the end or something, but don't put it above your entry - it's a really strong piece and doesn't need an intro :)

Date: 2009-10-24 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
Thanks! You're right about the "intro." It's really there for most of my flist who might forget to read the subject line and think I was writing about something that actually happened recently. It isn't meant to be part of the story at all- I just didn't want anyone to think "Um, what happened with you and your husband?"

Date: 2009-10-25 08:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] agirlnamedluna.livejournal.com
LOL yes I can understand that. I personally leave in the middle was is fiction and what is not but generally it's very discernible too haha.

I added you if you don't mind!

Date: 2009-10-25 10:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alisandre.livejournal.com
I don't mind at all! Part of LJ Idol is getting to know new people. ^_^

Date: 2009-10-25 11:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] java-fiend.livejournal.com
Very, very beautifully written. You say so much and evoke so much feeling in so few words. Really well done.

Date: 2009-10-26 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thndrstd.livejournal.com
I really like your writing here. Succinct and concise without losing the feeling. Great job.

Date: 2009-10-26 03:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phoenixejc.livejournal.com

Date: 2009-10-26 10:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karmasoup.livejournal.com
Familiarity... even if contempt is not born of it, it can't always be inspirational...

Date: 2009-10-26 10:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roina-arwen.livejournal.com
Well written, very evocative. *hugs*

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