This story isn't really true, but it isn't really false.

Empty Gestures )
Who am I?

I've been asking myself for years, but the answers keep changing and no single answer satisfies the question.

A few pieces of who I am:

I am a woman. I have always identified strongly with the "traditional" roles of my sex: a wife and mother, cook, seamstress, gardener, crafter. I can vegetables and jams, I bake bread every weekend. And yet I revel in some very non-traditional freedoms of the modern woman- the right to vote, to choose my own career, to marry the man I love and not my parents' choice. And though I am a wife I am still myself- I do not see myself as Mrs Steve, but as Carrie, who happens to be married to Steve.

I am a writer. Beyond all other pursuits in my life, writing defines me. My job is just a job. Writing is my blood, my soul, my life. Words are my passion, crafting them my pursuit- for joy and sorrow, for hope and despair, for all of the heights and depths to which a story can transport you. I am soon to take my passion back to school- I am applying to an MFA program in writing fiction. If all goes well, by January I will be a grad student.

I am a mother. My son is a joy, an irritation, a wonder, and a devil. His energy is infinite, his curiosity boundless. I am awed and humbled by the responsibility of being his mom. Watching him learn and grow has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. He can also, of course, be a complete headache and nuisance. Toddlers have an unfortunate penchant for trouble, and my son is no exception.

I am a singer. At the few points in my life where writing has failed me, I have had music. Music succors me and moves me. It envelops and entrances, it lifts me high when I am flying and comforts me when I am broken. When I write, music without words is my constant companion. Once upon a time in my youth I performed regularly. I miss singing in public, and would jump at the chance to do so again.

Who am I?

I guess we'll find out together.

July 2011

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